Today is my 31st birthday. I wish I could say I woke up feeling grateful, energized, or even just content. The truth is, I woke up feeling heavy. Birthdays have always been complicated for me, and this year is no exception.
In many families, birthdays are a big deal. People gather, there’s cake, balloons, and photos for social media. For others, it’s a quiet dinner or a thoughtful message. But for me, birthdays are mostly a reminder of growing up in a family where these milestones don’t mean much. My family is loving in their own way, but they’re very traditional—deeply religious, old-fashioned, and not exactly enthusiastic about celebrations, let alone talking about emotions.
I don’t write this for pity. I know many people have it much harder, and I’m grateful for what I do have. But there’s something strange about feeling invisible on a day that’s supposed to be yours. It’s easy to scroll through social media and see people showered with love, feeling like you’re on the outside looking in.
The Privacy of Emotion
I’ve learned that in families like mine, emotions are private. You don’t talk about feeling sad, lost, or even happy. You just carry on, do your duty, and keep your head down. It’s a way of life that’s served them well, but for me, it leaves a lot of days—especially birthdays—feeling hollow.
If you relate to this, I want you to know you’re not alone. So many people quietly dread their birthdays for all kinds of reasons: distance, loss, disappointment, or the weight of another year that didn’t go as planned. It doesn’t mean you’re broken, ungrateful, or weak. It just means you’re human.
Choosing Self-Compassion
I’m trying to find meaning in the small things this year. Maybe it’s a favorite meal, a walk outside, or a message from a friend who really gets it. Maybe it’s just giving myself permission to feel what I feel without pretending. I’m learning that self-compassion is a skill—one that takes time, practice, and a lot of patience.
If you’re lucky enough to have people who make you feel special, let them know it matters. And if you’re like me, and this day feels more like a hurdle than a celebration, I see you. You matter, even on the days you don’t feel it.
So, here’s to another year. Not a perfect one, and not always a happy one, but another chance to keep going, to keep growing, and maybe, slowly, to build the kind of life that feels like it fits.
Thanks for reading.
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